All My Kittens
by Jellicle-Somali
Summary: CATS, soap opera style! Here's our humor-filled poke at 'What if CATS was a soap opera' Chaos Insues when Bombalurina's daughter shows up and shakes up the junkyard with the idenity of her father!
1. Default Chapter

All My Kittens : Intro

A CATS fanfiction collaboration between 'Somali' and 'BombyKat'

(Somali) A/N: This fic is a parady of sorts, there's mild character abuse, cheesey stereotypical soap opera elements and some characters dont act like themselves/are overexagerated... but it's all in good fun folks! =) So enjoy! Please feel free to rate and review. Constructive critism/no nitpicking/no flames preferred but I cant stop you =P

Standard disclaimers apply: Blahblahblah The orginal CATS characters I dont own... that Sir ALW and TS Eliot's bag. The made one's belong to BombyKat...blah blah blah. Cheese, egg salad and lawn gnomes.

=The Jellice moon rises above the jellice junkyard and the cats soon creep out of their hiding places.=

Giant Leather Bound Book: =falls down from the sky=

Munkustrap: =eyes widen in terror as he sees the book about to land on his head= Mommy...

=CRASH=

Demeter: MACAVITY!!! =jumpity=

Bombalurena: Gah =eye roll=

Book: =opens up to reveal a tv screen hooked up to a camera.=

Cameraman: =waves and prepares to do the Cats' close-ups= =Zips about and takes Coricopat's and Admetus' shots with no trouble=

Old Deuteromny: =curled up in his nappy spot, snorring away=

CM: Oh great... C'mon you old fat cat...wakey wakey! =shake shake=

Old D: =snore= =grumpily wakes up= Wh-what? Why you whippersnapper...in my day kits had respect for the elder cat. Bah! =begins to ramble on about morals and kids these days=

Alonzo: =begins to pose quite nicely for the camera=

CM: =moves away to next cat=

Alonzo: =gasp= You cant be done yet! =jerks camera man back= You have to get my OTHER good side. =flashes his signature suave smile=

CM: =groans and inches away to get shots of Gus and Gus jr=

Great Rumpus Cat: =pops up outta no where, eyes flashing, mane flarred= DUN DUN DAAAA!!! Up in the sky! It's a bird, it's a plane... Noooooo, it's the GREAT RUMPUS CAT!!!! =strikes a pose=

CM: =screams like an 8 year old girl= =drops his camera and the lens breaks. He twitches slightly and a vein pops outta his neck=

GRC: =mews quietly and runs away=

CM: GET BACK HERE YOU FREAK!!!!

Mungojerrie & Rumpleteazer: =bounce in and pilfer the camera=

CM: =runs back in= M-m-m-my camera.... ARG!!!! =vein puslsates=

MJ & RT: EPPP!!!! =drop camera and scamper to their hideout in the grove=

CM: I dont get paid enough for this....

Bomb: =winks and purrs at the camera=

CM: =turns away to take Demi's shot=

Bomb: =pouts at the lack of attention=

Demi: =smiles sweetly at the camera...=

Bomb: =Muscles her way in and poses in front of her sister=

Demi: --;

Tugger: =starts do his little rock star dance for the camera=

Etectra: =squeals and has herself a spazz attack and faints=

CM: =fiddles to get the foucs juuuuuust right when he's trampled by all the kitten queens= Ow...

Tugger: =sees the young queens coming= =eyes widen in fear= AHHHH!!!!!!!!!! =runs to hide in 'dressing room' (aka an empty porta potty)

Alonzo: =snickers carrying serveral boards=

Munku: =comes giggling behing his half-brother with a bucket of nails and hammer=

CM: =gets his face stepped on by Munku= You'll get your come-upins!!! old-man style fist shake

A&M: =nail the boards up, trapping Tug in his 'dressing room'=

CM: =with a big brusie on his face comes to take Munku's shot= (Hey he looks like Tumble now. =3)

Munku: =tries to strike a dignified stance=

CM: =charges at Munku at ram speed and knocks his head against the lens=

Munku: =stumbles about dazed and collaspes on the floor= Mommy make the boogie-peke go away!

CM: =chuckles and prepares for his next shot=

Jemima: =looks flabbergasted upon seeing the Camera coming and hides a meat cleaver behind her back=

Sillabub: =runs off screaming and hides in her corner from her dementedly innocent twin=

CM: =takes the close ups of Jennyanydots, Quaxo, Jellylorum and Tantomile without much incident thankfully=

Macavity: The Hidden Paw shall not be caputered, on film or other wise!!! =chases after the poor camera man with his hair dryers=

CM: I WANT A RAISE!!! AHHH!!! NOOO!!!! STAY BACK!!!!

Victoria: =decides to show off a little bit and does her fancy ankle stretch thingeh and gets her leg stuck behind her head= Uhm.. a little help...?

CM: =gently nudges her in the ribs, sending her tumbling to the ground= =giggle-fit=

Vicky: NOT FUNNY!!!

Bustopher Jones: =prepares for his shot and holds up his giant spoon=

CM: =zooms in=

BJ: =his girdle cant take the pressure of his immense gut and splits, spilling his furry belly out.

Skimble: =had just a little more than a drop of scotch= C'mon dance wif meh, love! =grabs the camera man=

CM: --; Why me???? =looks off into the distance and sees Cassandra and Exotica= O.O What the cheese are those mutated freaks?!?!?! Oh no... they're coming closer!!!!

Cassie & Exi: =chase after the camera man= Hey, it's our turn now!!!

CM: Nooooo!!! STAY BACK!!! =pushes Skimble away=

Skimble: =spinny-twirl= weeeeeeeee! =passes out= =snore=

Cassie & Exi : =fall into a car trunk=

CM; HAHA! =locks=

Cassie & Exi: =hiss and yowl from their trunk-prison=

Pouncerval and Tumblebrutus: =too busy play wrestling to notice the camera man=

CM: =lets his guard down and when Pounce does his famous chair leap...is used as the landing point=

Pounce: Sorry!

CM: -- I hate my life....

Plato: =wanders over the CM= My what lovely shoes you have, mind if I take one?

CM: Why yes I do mind...

Plato: =snatches shoe anyhow=

CM: GAH!!!

Electra: =bounces in all cute and kitteny=

CM: Ah.. someone nice for a change...

Electra: Hey mister, I found your shoe for you!

CM: Oh thanks kid.

Electra: =hurls the giant shoe prop at him=

CM: =groans= =prepares for his finally shot of Misto=

Misto: =drops down on one knee and prepares to shoot out his lightning stuff=

Lightning stuff: =fizzle=

Misto: =grumble grumble= =bats at his ears and tries again=

CM: AHH!!! =is struck by a wayward bolt= THAT'S IT I QUIT!

==The stage is empty now, the Camera man has packed up and left. Munku wanders out==

Munku: =peeks out and makes the mistake of looking up..seeing another book= Waaaah...

Book: =crashes down upon Munku=

Munku: =twitchy-groany=

Book: =opens and the pages turn.....=

Tantalurina: A female kitten, verging on being an adult. She's the spunky, energentic and flirtatious daughter of Bomby. She looks nearly just like her mother save that her right glove black and the other white. And her right leg warm his white and the left black. The bib on her back is all black instead of white...Maybe something she inherited from her father?

Maryteazer: Rumple's distant cousin. She's a young fun loving prankster cat, but not very trustworthy, could she be an agent of macavity? She's all black with white ears and paws, with an unusual white star on hip. What's unusual is that no other cat in her family has an similar coloring or markings

Platometus: A young stray taken in by Plato and Vicky. He's trusting and kind but has a serious side. He's all brown with his left ear,front right paw white. There's a long scar running down his right leg, yet he has no memory of recieving it. He seems to be gifted with some unusual magicial powers, is he Macacity's long lost son?

Thunderina: The mother of cassie and exi. She's a tempermental older cat, and like thunder she can be loud and hurt those around her. She means well and doesnt truly intend harm on others by her outburts. She's a simple dark colored siamese mix.

Growlystrap:Teen Kit the son of demi and Munku, A sorta self-appointed boss of the other kittens, he loves to give orders but wont take them. He's tall and bears much resemble to his father, yet his tail and paws are gold.

Macavatina: Mac's twin sis and pounce & tumble's mom. She's the polar opposite of her brother, good and kind using her ablities for good. She bears a great resembence to her brother, but isnt as scary looking because of a thing called 'grooming'

Scarletta - Mac & Tina's mom. An old cat who's seen so much in her lifetime, she's quite serious and often seems depressed. She's ginger red with two white paws and a pink nose.

Tugganna: The mother of Tugger, has already gone to heavyside ( may be reffered to in flashback)

Ella - Alonzo's mother, already gone to heavyside ( may be reffered in a flashback)

Cascade: Thunderina's mate and Cassie and Exi's father. An older cat, he's quite stuck up and over-protective. He's a medium brown siamese mix.

Pouncerbrutus: Pounce&Tumble's dad. He's obivious where his sons get their personalities. The only difference between him and his sons is he has patches over both eyes.

Demira: teen almost young cat goes by mira her parents are munkus and demi she's outgoing,when tanta comes into the yard they instantly become best friend she loves her parents but is a bit rebellous.if she wanted she could be leader after her da but she's giving her brother a chance first since he seems more of the leader type.she's a very complicated mix of black,white,silver,and gold markings.

A/N: We felt it was nescessary to provide how the tribe would be represented in relation to each other for the purpose of this fic.

( Mate - Mate) = Offspring

Jenny - Skimble = Jemina, sillabub

Jemina - Pounce (not truly mated, but dating)

Sillabub - Tumble (Same as above, their only kittens. =) )

(two non-tribe cats) = Bomby, Demi

Bomby - 'Mystery Tom' = Tantaulrina

Demi - Munku = Growly, Mira

Gus - dead mate = Gus Jr

Gusjr - Jelly = Electra and Etcetra

Thunderina - Cascade = Cassie, Exi

Pouncerbrutus - Tina = Pounce, tumble

Old D - Ella = Alonzo (Vicky and 'Lonzo share the same mother)

Old D - Tuganna = Tugger

Old D - Grizabella = Munku

Old D - Scarletta = Mac And Tina

Mac - (dead) = Plato and Admetus

Rumple - Mungo

Tanto - Cor

Vicky - Plato = 'guardians' of platometus

(A/n): that's it for now, I hoped you liked it. Please R&R, do you think we should continue this series? =)


	2. Oh My Everlasting Cat! Bombalurina has a...

All My Kittens

Part 1 – Oh my Everlasting Cat! Bombalurina has a kid!

A Collab Fic by Somali and 'Bomby Kat'

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from CATS, talk to TS Eliot, ALW, and RUG about that junk. ;) The made up characters all belong to Bomby and any resemblance to any other characters someone else owns is purely accidental.

A/N: Finally got my lazy rear in gear to work on this. Remember this folks, this is all just for fun ;) This by no means is to be serious fic. Fair warning to any Munkustrap, Cassandra or Exotica fans… those 3 will be abused… constantly XD. Nothing that will damage them permanently. Please review if you like, don't flame me, or nit pick about silly technical things, thought I cant stop you…but if you do, I'll most likely just giggle at you.

Another night falls upon the junkyard, Bombalurina lounges around somewhat bored. Her eyes scan about for any cute toms to flirt with. She quirks her eyebrows and lips curve in sly catty smile when she spots a familiar suave black and white tom padding about the junkyard. She rises and slinks over to him.

"Hey there, 'Lonzo," She leans back coolly against a rusty car and gives Alonzo a wink and a purr.

"Oh nothing much, my dear." Alonzo replied trying to act cool around the only other flirt bigger than him.

Out of nowhere, a young cat bearing a lot of resemblance to Bombalurina, runs up to her.

"Mother! Is that you, have I finally found you?" The young cat clings to Bombalurina's arm.

"GAH!" Bombalurina shrieks madly, threshing her arm about, trying to shake the crazed cat off.

"Uh, Bomba… is there something you haven't been telling us?" Alonzo raises one of his eyebrows questioningly.

"I don't know this girl! She obviously…uh….uh…INSANE!" Bombalurina stammered out, her face turning white at Alonzo's expression. He wasn't buying it. She muttered curses under her breath. This whole scene naturally brought its attention to the other Jellicles and several more gathered around.

"All right…. FINE… I have a kid… big whoop," She groaned out to the other cats., "Everyone, this is my daughter… Tantalurina." Tantalurina releases her gripe on Bombalurina's arm and steps forward.

"Hi everyone!" She chimes in happily and tries to hug Bombalurina.

"Ugh, kid listen you're cramping my style!" She dances about trying to pry her daughter off.

"Bombalurina!" She cringed at the sound of her name coming from the, now stern, mouth of JennyAnyDots, "How could you not tell us you had a daughter? And where have you been keeping her this entire time?"

"Uh…", Bombalurina stared blankly off into space, " I don't really remember. I was hoping she could explain it." She peers down at Tantaulrina. She looked up at her mother and released her arm.

"Well…I can seem to remember is after I was born, Macavity took me away," at the sound of the napoleon of Crime's name, many of the cats hissed and Bombalurina coughed into her paw. "He took me away to another group of cats and I was to be raised as their daughter. I had the suspicion that I wasn't their birth daughter so I confronted them. My adopted parents did admit to Macavity giving them to me. They couldn't tell me much about my real family, just that I was a Jellicle by birth and my father was one of Macavity's half-brothers. When I saw her," Tantalurina motioned to Bombalurina, "She looked so much like me, I knew she was my mother! I could feel from my ears down to my paws!" Tantaulrina gets over excited and clings to Bombalurina again. There was murmuring amongst the Jellicles. Macavity's half brother… this new cat's father could be Munkustrap, The Rum Tum Tugger or Alonzo. Demeter glares at her mate Munkustrap.

"You two-timing playcat!" She hisses, "My own sister! How could you!"

"What? NOO! I swear I wouldn't touch her!" Munkustrap waves his hands around frantically.

"What's THAT supposed to mean?" Bombalurina quirks her eyebrow and stares at Munkustrap murderously with her paw askew on her hip.

"Oh no, Bomba… I didn't mean that. You're quite lovely and all…" Munkustrap's voice trails off when he sees the large vein throbbing on his mate's forehead. "Oh crud…"

"OH! So, the truth comes out now, eh? You think my sister is prettier than me!"

"No, dear, of course not…" Munkustrap begins sweating profusely at this point. Demeter begins chasing her mate around the junkyard, throwing rusted out cans and threats at him. He runs from her, as fast as his legs can carry him, shrieking like a little kitten.

Meanwhile…. Poor Tugger is still nailed in his porta-potty 'dressing' room.

"Hey! What's going on out there? Hello? Anyone?" He pounds his fists on the door. "Is someone out there? HELLO!" Four of Macavity's henchrats come in and knock the porta-potty over.

A few more cats had gathered around the newest arrival to the junkyard. Jemima, Sillabub, Pouncival and Tumblebrutus were amongst them. The four of them had coupled off into 'play'-mates, the feline equivalent of human boyfriend/girlfriend. Jemima had coupled with Pounce, Pounce was only in this because he was well bored…. Sillabub and Tumble coupled because well, Jemima made them. She claimed she and pounce needed other couples to do couple things with so she force her sister and Tumble together with her collection of meat cleavers.

"Hey, who's the new cat…? She's kinda cute." Pounce breaks away from Jemima and pads over the rest of the cats. Jemima twitches and fumes. She obtains a meat cleaver from behind her back as her eyes twitch slightly. Sillabub and Tumble shrink away in fear.

The scene shifts back to the gaggle of Cats who have gathered around Bombalurina and Tantalurina. Pounce muscles his way forward. Out of the corner of his eye, he spots Demira and Growlystrap. They were the two offspring of Demeter and Munkustrap. Growlystrap was older than Pounce and acted like he was the big boss of kittens Pounce and Growlystrap shoot daggers at each other. Each knew what the other was thinking… To be the first of them to greet the new kitten queen and have a chance to show you around. Pounce starts running towards the front, the gold and gray young tom not too far behind. Pounce grins and pulls out a catnip toy, lobbing it over to Growlystrap. At once he foams at the mouth and tackles the nip-filled mouse. Pounce slides to a stop and tries to strike his coolest pose.

"Hi… I'm Pouncival." He skids to a stop, slightly out of breath. Tantalurina glances at the tom kitten in front of her.

"I'm Tantalurina, what do you want, you overgrown fuzz ball?" She spits out at him with a tone of annoyance, then promptly turns her back to him. Pounce twitches his nose…

"Sheesh… they should've named you Ice Princess." Back in the crowd of cats, Growlystrap breathes a sigh of relief and chuckles at the complete idiot his friend made of himself. Pounce shuffles toward Growly. "Awww, shut your nip hole, Growly…" Pounce punches his friend lightly in the shoulder.

Tantalurina, upon hearing Pounce's new name for her snorts slightly, she eyes the crowd about her briefly and slinks over to the closest tom, which just happened to be Misto.

"Hello there, I'm Tantalurina… And who might you be?" She says to him kindly, her tone nearly sugary. From the corner of her eye, she casts a glare at the 'overgrown fuzz ball'. Misto stands there with a blank expression on his face. He coughs to clear his throat.

"I am… the Magical Mr. Mistoffeeles!" Random bolts of electricity shoot out from his hands. A wayward bolts strikes the porta-potty prison of Tugger's setting him free. Tugger emerges and joins the group… abet smelly though… "Oops…. Uh…" Misto swats at his own ears. Tanta stares in amazement at the explosion.

"Holy cheese on rye! That was like so amazing, Mistoffeeles:. She lets out a giggle like a schoolgirl and she turns her head to Pounce, (AKA the overgrown fuzzball.) "I bet you couldn't do anything like that," She sneers to him.

"Why thank you, Miss Tantalurina." Misto turns a subtle shade of red and bows. Pounce snorts and crosses his arms over his chest. Jemima pulls herself up close to him and clings to his arm.

"GET! Off!" Pounce shakes his arm wildly. Jemima whips out one of her meat cleavers and waves it to Pounce. He gulps and stops the spastic movements of his arms. Bombalurina glances about her nervously.

"Time for this feline to make her escape, EXIT STAGE LEFT!" She darts out of the crowd, glancing back behind her to see her sister, Demeter still abusing her mate. "Hew boy, I almost feel bad for him… 'almost'." Tantalurina looks over her shoulder, seeing her mother leave.

"Guess I better be going to as well. I need some questions answered." She turns away, only to be boxed in by all the other cats. "What I wouldn't give to stab all these cats and get on my way." She stomps her back paw on the ground getting impatient. "I want answers now!" The slightly stinky Tugger comes up to Tantalurina.

"Bombalurina? Dude, did you like shrink?" Tantalurina sneers and the smelly rock star cat.

"I am not Bombalurina… I'm her daughter! And for your information you smelly buffoon, we're the same height!" Tantalurina storms off trying to catch up with her mother. Tugger pulls at his ruff.

" Meee-ow. She's feisty… I like her…."

"Uh.. Tugger?"

"Yo? What, Alonzo?"

"Uh… That queen… could be your daughter…" Tugger glances at Alonzo and lifts his paw to say something, and falls over. Dramatic organ music plays in background and all the cats look around confused.

Next time on all my kittens! Cassandra is blown away in the wind because she's just too skinny!

Tantalurina harasses her mother endlessly

And uh… some other like super interesting stuff too! Dun dun daaaaaaaa!


End file.
